TOPIC SUMMARY: Personal Power, Self-Trust & Leading from Within

This session centered on personal power, self-trust, and the continued work of leading from the inside out.

A meaningful thread throughout the conversation was recognizing growth over time—particularly the shift from reacting to external pressures toward feeling more grounded, centered, and internally anchored. Increased self-awareness continues to create more capacity to navigate work challenges with greater calm, perspective, and confidence.

A key area of discussion focused on giving away power—how easily external circumstances, other people’s behavior, or the need for validation can influence thoughts, emotions, and decision-making. Reflection centered on recognizing those moments more quickly and reconnecting with an internal source of steadiness before being pulled outward.

The conversation also explored the difference between external power and internal power—and how leadership becomes stronger and more sustainable when rooted in self-acceptance, clarity, and trust rather than title, position, or outside approval.

Additional themes:

Workplace communication & emotional awareness
Exploring how perspective shapes response when managing workplace stress, navigating conflict, and working through day-to-day leadership challenges.

Self-trust & visibility
Recognizing personal strengths and becoming more intentional about using them visibly and confidently in professional settings.

Understanding communication styles
Reflecting on how personality and communication preferences influence workplace dynamics and impact interactions with others.

Vulnerability as a leadership skill
Considering the role vulnerability plays in leadership and relationships, and how self-reflection can deepen both confidence and connection.

Identity & personal labels
Exploring how long-held labels can shape self-perception—and how growth sometimes requires redefining what still feels true.

We also reinforced the value of continued reflection through assessments and intentional self-discovery, supporting both leadership growth and deeper self-awareness.

The overarching takeaway: The more grounded we become in who we are, the more confidently and effectively we lead.

P.S. Amy redid her BANK assessment and determined she is a B-N/K-A

Update: This session focused on workplace conflict, communication challenges, and behavioral styles through the lens of DiSC. Despite increased workload and internal drama, Amy remains grounded in her purpose as a public servant, with City Management as a longer-term consideration. (YAY!) Quite noteworthy to have this awareness.

DiSC & Behavioral Styles We reviewed Amy’s DiSC profile CS/CS, compared to a colleague's profile (SC/SIc) , exploring how contrasting styles — particularly around attention to detail and organization vs. relationship-building and conmection — creates friction. The key shift was moving from a judgment framework to a partnership mindset, recognizing that different styles bring different value.

Conflict Resolution Introduced the Karate vs. Aikido metaphor for conflict: Karate as combative, Aikido as redirecting the other's energy constructively. Good short video depicting Karate vs. Aikido! https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5Z97Ht1Yu28

Core concept: Conflict = 2 Divergent Ideas + Emotion. Removing emotion opens the door to logical, grounded resolution, which is Amy’s strength! However, judgment, irritations, frustration are also emotions that derail resolution, and only hurt Amy! The strategy is partnership and quality output.

Communication Strategy Discussed accountability challenges with certain colleagues, particularly around urgent matters. Strategy going forward: follow up in writing and CC relevant parties for visibility. Reviewed the Emotional Elevator — client has moved up several floors to a state of contentment (🎉).

Homework

• Complete the Reiss Motivation Profile 

• Observe and journal reactions to workplace situations, focusing on Aikido-style responses and leading from core vs. ego

Update: Amy’s career perspective—shifted from wanting a city management position (for over a decade) to being more comfortable (happy?) in her current county government role. Still engaged in local governmnet.

Career and Personal Reflections: Discussion regarding recent developments including work and personal well-being. Mental funk/sleep issues but new perspective on the career path. A lot of work chaos recently (media attention and a recall petition!) but the current role stil feels like the right fit.

Job Security Perspective Shift: Feeling more positive. Job security evaluation (niche skill set and the volatility of the job market) — low risk of losing role. Plan B options were discussed (previous experiences and potential opportunities ).

Self-Acceptance Discussion: Progress developing self-acceptance, especially in how work situations are handled. Presenting solutions rather than guidance. Example: successfully convincing a commissioner to adopt the plan with minor compromises after navigating various levels of approval.

Learning/Competency Stage : Four stages of Competence - Unconscious Incompetence, Conscious Incompetence, Conscious Competence, Unconscious Competence. Strength demonstrated in moving through these stages. Recommended to be less judgmental of when she “not perfect”. Potential Exercise: view a challenging colleague as a teaching opportunity. FORGOT TO MENTION: we spend approx 90% of our day in un/subconscious thought. The 5-10% of consioous can be exhausting. When new learning occurs, the conscious brain is on overtime…which is why many give up!

Communication Visualization Technique/Head vs. Heart: A technique involving visualization was discussed. Shift the way words and messages are delivered to improve communication and empathy. Since the exercise proved challenging (visualizing), it is recommended to use the exercise independently/at home in private.

Personal Power and Self-Development: Discussion regarding “giving away personal power”, focusing on how ego and external validation can influence self-worth. Amy has grown in confidence and learned to balance “honoring herself while respecting others”, using a 10-point scale approach instead of binary thinking.

Amy has high aptitude moving from unconscious to conscious competence—digging into learning new things. Amy is encouraged to continue developing this mindset.

RESOURCE IMAGES listed below

To-do’s;

-Amy to complete DiSC and Reiss.

-Practice the "head versus heart" communication exercise privately and report back

Stress Management and Presence Amy and I began by checking in on our stress levels. She's been managing a newly launched work project while fielding inquiries about a community program. We explored staying present versus getting caught in past or future thinking, and how the ego plays into that.

Managing Overwhelming Thoughts and Anxiety Amy is using meditation and EMDR music to stay grounded(!), which is very positive. This led us into a conversation about reframing the ego — not as the enemy, but as something we can (and want to) learn to manage.

The Emotional Elevator We spent time on the Emotional Elevator, mapping emotions from fear to joy. About two-thirds of the words on the scale skew negative — which says something about how we tend to devalue positive emotions like joy and love. It is a gradient/spectrum, and through that lens, we see the importance of our mindfulness, emotions, and self-talk. Eckhart Tolle alludes to self-talk, as the voice in the head.

Work Confidence and Emotional Floors Amy rated her work self at a 2 and personal self at a 10-13. We worked through positioning and strategizing word/sentence usage to “upgrade” various situation to get higher on the list/elevator. In particular, Amy named an intention to internalize positive feedback rather than seek external reassurance, and taking incremental steps to build confidence.

Reframing Exercise We worked through specific work situations on the emotional elevator scale, moving from jealousy and frustration toward contentment and optimism. Recognizing how emotions shift from other-oriented to self-oriented to ”one” oriented.

Next Steps Amy has the option to take the DiSC assessment prior to our next session to add to your dossier. Homework is to continue observing negative self tal. Then “catch” self in the act. Then reframe/turn it around. Amy was send the Emotional Elevator card.

Leadership/Self-Reflection: Grounding with square breathing and a nature-inspired visualization.

Self-observation: More observant of herself and others, particularly in identifying different leadership styles and career advancement opportunities.

Left and Right Brain: We discussed how different brain types approach problems and work differently. That left-brain thinkingw as sequential and logical, while right-brain thinking is more creative and visual. Amy identified herself as more analytical, which aligns with left-brain characteristics.

Communication/Leadership: We discussed strategies for communicating with a commissioner who has unclear end goals. Example shared: how goals were extracted and addressed, with end goals from a previous policy update project which took 1.5 years to complete.

DISC Assessment Review: Amy’s profile (per previous assessment) is a C (Compliant/Conscientious) style with a almost as high/equal S (Steadiness/Support). We wil continue to reference the DISC four-quadrant framework.

DISC Personality Types:

1. Personality types and their characteristics based on the DISC assessment model (D, I, S, C), using more descriptive language like "driver," "influencer," "support," and "analyzer."

2. Types can be categorized as extroverted or introverted. Main drivers for each type: progress, energy, harmony, and accuracy . Teams benefit from having a diverse mix of personality types, rather than being lopsided in any one trait.

3. Different personality types, particularly high D (driver) and steady types, can create challenges in workplace dynamics, especially when opposite types are in leadership positions. Different professions tend to align with specific personality quadrants

Personality Types /Collaboration Styles: High-energy individuals can sometimes be perceived as loud or chaotic, particularly when they are not in a healthy state. There is value in recognizing and appreciating diverse personality traits within a team for effective collaboration.

DISC Overview: Experience with group settings: how high D and I types are energetic and assertive, while high S and C types are collaborative and analytical. Practice identifying DISC types in everyday situations to become more proficient with the assessment.

Workplace Communication Styles: Amy shared her experience working with a coworker who has poor attention to detail and struggles with following agreed-upon processes. Amy would benefit by using this situation as a case-study— observing, practicing, and sharing the varioous assessment moodels/principles. This might reduce frustration and improve collaboration! You could use the info to leverage each other's strengths, vs. getting frustrated by differences.

*Update: Application of the "intention vs. impact" concept, particularly in a conversation with Rob—understanding his actions were an acts of service (in the pipe burst situation). In the five love languages, Amy, you identified as a mix between acts of service and quality time.

*Binary Thinking: Binary thinking can be overcome by considering a spectrum of options rather than strict black-and-white choices. This can be applied to everyday situations, including “eating during our conversation”. This is a time when gray is good.

*Self-Perception and Personal Labels: Labels influence self-perception and behavior. Some of yours that have evolved over time include "reckless to cautious" and "social to antisocial". Some, like “logic" has remained consistent. Labels can both define characteristics and potentially restrict personal growth (defining characteristics and limiting labels). Labels often restrict us. // We discussed the tendency to avoid social situations due to fear of being perceived as antisocial. The challenge is to trust the intuition more to engage in spontaneous conversations vs. pre-planned topics, especially in low-risk situations which will build confidence.

*Self-Judgment: It is easy to judge ourselves harshly to hold ourselves to a higher standard (often unreasonable)—which we would not say to a friend, yet we say it to ourselves!). You are encouraged to recognize your intuitive abilities, be more present, and allow yourself to evove and BE.

*Reframining: Thank-you for sharing your dog’s end-of-life story with me. I know it was a difficult memory, and I’m hoping (on some level) it was good to talk about. It also highlighted a few perspectives and take-aways pertinent to the day-to-day. Taking a view from the other’s perspective is a good technique for seeing more than what was filtered through your backpack, for instance the love and care you provided during that difficult chaotic moment. Be compassionate to yourself in that situation. You were as loving and respectful as was possible. Selfless.

*Planning and the expectations of the unexpected. You like to plan and are overwhelmed when plans don't go as expected. In unexpected situations, focus on maintaining a calm heart rate to preserve critical thinking abilities, and us the plan-framework you developed to manage thes a personal mantra to help manage these moments.

1. Pause to reassess (take a break)

2. Restate the new goal or direction,

3. Generate new solutions & ideas.

4. Reconfigure.

Reframe "not being good at thinking on the spot" to "needing time to process under pressure."

Iceberg Metaphor: depending on the assessment, you can easily see certain aspects of yourself, and others not so much.

Next Time: Reiss Motivation assessment, Disc Assessment & model. Presence. Reframing Freezing.

Explored Limiting beliefs. Sometimes we have beliefs that prevent us from moving forward. It is an interesting exercise to check those beliefs and figure out if they are TRUTH or PERCEPTION. Today, related to “competence”, Amy had the awareness that her job performance was never an issue (!). Yes, she felt off/(chemo brain), but her work has never really been an issue. She has consistently been an A player. This contradicts the story she has been telling herself.

What’s Important? Steadiness

“I need to work on COMPASSION” - We discussed INTENTION vs. IMPACT. “We judge ourselves based on our intention, and others based on their impact.” Amy was (very) quick to see instances and tie them back to compassion. We also discussed systematizing compassion in the Critical Thinking Process, and how it would allow her to check in and verify the true issue/intention.

We worked through the B.A.N.K. model and tied it back to compassion, intention, and impact. Amy scored as NBKA (Nurturing, Blueprint, Knowledge, Action). Awareness that her job is the BK part and what she brings to work. The N is a huge part of her but is subdued (for now 😉). We also guessed at a couple other relationships and how they work together.

Next time: Continue review of B.A.N.K. as it relates to communication and how we show up (does it match with how we present ourselves?)

Apologies for the delay. I have attempted this half a dozen times to no avail!

In this first session we discussed background, struggles, goals, and a few foundational concepts/threads throughout the program.

Highlighted concepts (that arose based on the organic conversation) were: the Comfort Zone model, the Backpack (and associated mesh frame with leaves), and the Core Self model.

The layers of the Core Self model include: Core-Self; Private Self, and Public Self. Authenticity and Inauthenticity were discussed—the greater our radius, the further we are from our core, the more inauthentic we are. We create distance/separation from our CORE/True self by, for example, paying (too much) attention to the public eye/peer pressure, judgment, protection of self, anxiety, avoidance, looking for validation in/from others, fitting a role, wearing a mask, worthiness, etc.

Amy’s Goals: 1. Increase Confidence, and 2. Reignite Drive. To be ready to advance when the opportunity presents itself.