Pickleball Continues to Serve

Thank you for all the thoughtful feedback on my recent pickleball newsletter. Apparently the court is quite the leadership laboratory.

And sure enough, more lessons to share.

Because I don't play often, I'm constantly meeting new players. I was paired with a woman who, as I later learned, has a reputation for being… very direct on the court.

I play infrequently — sometimes months go by between games — so it often takes me a few minutes to find my rhythm again. One of those rhythms is advancing to the kitchen line after the serve.

We start playing, and I hear a sharp directive:
"Move up!"

Was that her? Talking to me?

Next point: "Move up!"
Again, "Move up!" (as I was already moving up!)

Three times in just a few minutes. In addition to a few other terse instructions.

My inner dialogue kicked in. She's right, I do need to move up — but my body and brain just aren't there yet. We literally just started. C'mon Heidi, move up faster. And then, in that same moment, a quieter realization: I am taking this.

This woman, who plays every day, was barking instructions at me. Not cool. Meanwhile, I was making most of my shots — I just wasn't doing this one thing she had decided was critically important. To her.

So I paused.

I looked at her, wanting to be very intentional as I spoke, clearly, calmly, and respectfully. I said:

"Please stop saying that. I heard you all three times. I am working on it."

She was visibly taken aback. Not angry. Just… stunned. And that's okay.

By the end of the game, I was advancing just fine. But she avoided me the rest of the day.

Standing in your power will do that sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️. Especially when you check dominant personalities (and sometimes bullies) who typically go unchecked. But it was important for me to communicate my boundary. Respectfully. Without then feeling guilty for the disconnection.

A different lesson showed up in a separate game.

Some players prioritize winning over respectful play and will jump in front of their partner to take a shot--repeatedly. Plenty of times I was grateful to be saved, but it often backfires for the hero, leaving them vulnerable in the next shot 🙄. Plus it sends a dangerous message: I don't trust you to get it done. Take a moment to imagine how that plays out in everyday leadership!

So out of respect for my partner's space, after moving into shared territory for a shot, I'll check in: "Were you going to get that?" If so, I apologize for cutting them off.

Then a blindspot was revealed. When my intention did not match up with the impact. One woman must have heard what I said differently. Based on her reaction, she must have heard it as "Hello?!… were you going to get that, or not?"

"No." she snapped back.

Huh. Same words. Very different impact 😳. What just happened? Once I realized how it was perceived, I 100% understood her annoyance! How often had this happened with others? This was getting complicated. Time to check in big picture. Was my need to apologize/be clear about my intention maybe going overboard? Was my sensitivity to this general situation coming into play? Had I done a pendulum swing?

I'm sensitive to imbalance. But I think I overcorrected and then caused other problems(!). Since that realization, I've stopped being overly senstive to that shared court experience. Now, I'm just aware. Much better.

All that to say, depending on the person and the size of their backpack, there is no guarantee your words will land as intended. That does not make it their fault either.

So, let's start here:
Speak clearly.
Stay grounded.
Stay curious enough to notice when something doesn't land.
Check for understanding.
Clarify.

Lean on the mantra: Honor self while respecting others. It is especially helpful when intention and impact are out of alignment.

Warmly,
Heidi