The Impact of Energy
Pickleball continues to be one of my greatest teachers.
Not because of the game per se, but because it pokes at my ego, and offers lessons. This time there were two.
The first happened while I was waiting to play. I watched a woman on the court — outgoing, competitive, expressive. But her self-talk? Brutal.
Every mistake was followed by visible and audible frustration. Eye rolls. Sharp words. Harsh judgments directed at herself.
It was dishonoring.
And honestly, unattractive.
It was good for me to see. Really good. Because I'm sure I've done the same after a failed shot. The mirror reveals all.
When we berate ourselves, it diminishes our sense-of-self and our presence. Painful.
Plus, it certainly doesn’t improve performance. If anything, it causes imbalance and worsens it(!). And, it reinforces the belief that mistakes equal inadequacy.
The second moment was even clearer.
One of the strongest players that day is known for his animated facial reactions when teammates make mistakes. I was assigned to play with him. 😳
Rather than decline or silently endure his judgment, I walked up to him and said, “I haven’t played in almost a year. I’m concerned you might be frustrated that I’m not at your level. It will show on your face, which I will certainly absorb. Maybe it would be better if I switch and play on the other team?”
He laughed. “It’s just my face. Don't worry about it.”
🤷🏻♀️ "Okay"
So, we played. I wasn't perfect (go figure), and he made faces (go figure). And, we were getting crushed (of course we were!).
Unintentionally, my words had messed with his ego because he was was the one who was suddenly very off balance, missing almost most every shot! And oddly, now having spoken up for myself, standing in my power, I was making most of mine. The tension was palpable, and exactly the dynamic I didn’t want. Not fun.
A player on the other team left, so we restarted. What an unexpected gift.
He must have sensed the window of opportunity. Connecting the dots, he shifted. His energy shifted. And consequently, our team dynamic shifted.
He began offering positive reinforcement — genuine and appropriate. I did the same. There was a true spirit of teamwork and parnership forming. It was weird that it happened so quickly. We even clinked paddles after a couple of plays. It was exciting and super impressive (I have to give him props!)!
The new and improved energy triggered amazing momentum. We won by a wide margin. Go figure! 😆
The lesson was unmistakable.
Energy matters.
The story we attach to mistakes matters.
Self-talk matters.
And standing in your power can be even more powerful when you know your energetic boundaries, communicate them clearly, and honor yourself in the process.