The Choice That Reveals Your Leadership

Last week I spent a few quiet days at my cousin's cottage "Up North" as we say here in Michigan.

The morning I was leaving, I noticed one of the neighbors had arrived and was cleaning his boat. We've known each other for years, so I wandered over to say hello before heading home. We sat and caught up for about fifteen minutes.

As I stepped off the boat, his wife came storming toward us.

Pointing her finger at me, she shouted, "Do you know who he's married to??? You know I'm married to that man, right?"

I was stunned.

I assured her I had simply stopped by to say hello, but she wasn't interested.

"You didn't come to the house to talk to me. You just went over to talk to him, so don't even start with me."

She turned, continued yelling as she marched back toward the house, and slammed the door behind her.

Her husband stood there embarrassed.

A little disoriented, I walked back to the cottage and resumed packing my car.

That was a lot. As I packed, I replayed the scenario, focused on being energetically balanced and grounded.

What was that? What was my role in what just happened? Did I do something wrong? What a crazy misunderstanding. That was so incredibly unjustified and unfair.

Breathing deeply, something shifted in me.

I had a choice.

I had a choice!

Not about whether she'd misunderstood me. She had.

Not about whether her reaction was appropriate. It wasn't.

The choice was whether I would respond from my ego... or from my values.

This had to be a conscious choice.

I knew enough of their story to understand that trust had been violated.

It didn't excuse what happened. But it did explain a lot.

First of all, I was not responsible for her pain(!).

However, I was responsible for my response. Always, right?

Do I add to the momentum or help dissolve it?

I made a decision. Minutes later, before I left, I walked over and knocked on their door.

By then, it was no longer about defending myself or even being understood.

It was about extending grace. I simply wanted her to know I understood she'd been through an incredibly difficult year, that I could see how my actions had unintentionally stirred up old wounds, and I had no interest in her husband. And then, maybe I'd give her a hug.

She never came to the door. I suspect she thought I was going to give her a piece of my mind. A retaliation of sorts. It was an unfortunate ending.

I was rather disappointed as I was about to leave. I had been in this beautiful setting for a few days, rested and relaxed. And now, my peace was challenged 😳.

Withing 3 minutes of my 3 hour drive, I pulled over and recentered myself. My peace did not depend on whether or not we spoke.

I had responded in a way that honored my values. Her not coming to the door was on her. In hindsight she was not likely high enough on the Emotional Elevator to answer the door anyway, let alone hear what I had to say 🤷🏻‍♀️. All good.

My integrity was intact.

I was whole.

And I was at peace.

What happened that morning reminded me that leadership isn't revealed by how we act when people treat us well.

It's revealed by how we choose to respond when they don't.

❤️ Heidi