Change the Way We Give Constructive Feedback

I wanted to quickly talk about something I notice that happens in annual reviews: managers dread giving constructive feedback so much that it dampens the entire process. Even the good stuff!

They walk into the meeting feeling anxious. Even when they’re delivering the positives… “You have high emotional intelligence, you’re a real team player, all your projects are done on time, you’re fun to be around,” it comes off as a laundry list. Because there’s this underlying tension about what’s next.

What’s next are the things that aren’t so positive or perfect. The constructive criticisms.

Well, guess what? Nobody’s perfect. And everyone has something to work on. Everyone.

So, here’s a different approach. What if we framed feedback around growth instead of imperfection? “Do you want to continue to grow and evolve?” Most people would say yes.

“Okay, I’ve identified a couple of areas where I’d love to see you expand. It will really add to our team, and it will certainly help you move forward in your career.”

Same feedback. Entirely different frame.

Let’s say you have someone who’s been on the team a long time, and they’ve gotten rigid. They’re the “we’ve always done it this way” person, quick to find fault with new ideas. Instead of saying “you’re inflexible and negative,” you might say:

“You’re our legacy person on the team, and I want to help you evolve with us. Here’s an exercise: come back next week and identify some positive traits in each team member that we could leverage.”

You’re systematically redirecting their strength for analysis toward looking for positives instead of faults. You’re helping them see their colleagues differently while addressing their tendencies, without making them feel criticized.

The feedback is the same. The delivery changes everything.

When you are genuinely present and approach these conversations with true curiosity and passion about someone’s growth, rather than anxiety about their imperfections, they actually hear you. They lean in instead of getting defensive. And this is when real development is possible.

Over the years, I have been thanked many times for caring enough to courageously give constructive career-shaping feedback. Personally, I think giving feedback is so fun. It gives people an opportunity to shift, transform, and grow. It’s the best!