The Rest of the Story…

Every once in a while, after I write one of these newsletters, the story continues.

Per a number of requests (for the rest of the story), I share two today. 😊

Earlier in the summer I had an awkward encounter with a neighbor Up North. 😳

If you don't remember it (or missed it), and want to get caught up, the original story link is:

The Choice That Reveals Your Leadership
https://www.heidifrye.com/blog/the-choice-that-reveals-your-leadership

Well...I went Up North again later in the summer and here is the rest of the story.

I happened to come across her while I was out hiking.

As I approached, she looked up to see who was coming. When she realized it was me, I could feel her uneasiness.

She put her head back down.

I called her name a couple of times before she finally looked up again. And let's just say she didn't appear particularly happy to see me approach. 😬

I walked up, squared myself in front of her, feet firmly grounded, and said,

"Good morning. I was hoping I would see you! I just wanted to tell you I understood why our last interaction triggered you."

I could immediately see the relief on her face.

Then I added,

"Now granted, that was not my intention, and it has never been my intention. But I do understand where it came from. That's all I wanted to say."

She paused. Took it in. And then went on to share some personal medical things she'd been dealing with. It was a brief encounter and we went our separate ways.

But something had changed. The air had been let out of the balloon.

Nothing left hanging there for the next time.

I didn't need to convince her that she had misunderstood me. I didn't need an apology.

I just acknowledged the part I could understand.

Apparently, that was enough.

No stagnant air. It felt much cleaner. DONE.

And then there was this...

In another newsletter, I shared an experience at a conference when a woman in the audience had an aha about her relationship with her mother.

Through our impromptu and very public coaching conversation, she had a new perspective. Here is the original article:

Seeing Something Anew
https://www.heidifrye.com/blog/seeing-something-anew

Well, I heard from her! With her permission, I'm sharing her email regarding what happened with Mom:

"Thank you as well for guiding me through that exercise, and for bringing up all those connections. I never would have thought that something as simple as a difference and misunderstanding in communication style could impact the way I interacted with a person on so many different levels. Truly an eye-opening realization!

The conversation with my mother went really well! ... I told her about the conversation we had at the conference and she loved it! As soon as I pointed out that both of us were on the opposite side of the spectrum for communication styles, she broke out into laughter, and we joked back and forth about it. I was honestly expecting a negative reaction, so for her to laugh over it was such a relief!

Your session was such a great reminder to not immediately assign malice to people’s responses--there are so many other factors that could be contributing to the miscommunication. And the burden of interactions doesn’t rely solely on the other person; you should adapt your approach to the other person’s goals and expectations to smoothen out interactions. Truly a helpful session!"

Two stories. Two follow-ups. And one consistent theme...

Sometimes the thing that changes a relationship isn't the other person changing.

It's seeing them differently(!).

Getting curious about what might be underneath.

Understanding something new.

It doesn't mean excusing bad behavior. Or taking responsibility for something that isn't ours.

It means leaving room for something else.

And sometimes, that little bit of room is enough to change what happens next.

❤️ Heidi